sayonara

Bismillah
In the name of Allah, the most Gracious and the most Merciful 

so, today I want to share something with all of you. basically, what I want to share is something that really used to happens in my life, before this and I did learn by time. 

at bazaar, while walking with my friends, suddenly she said, 

"being at home will be many things that we need to do. " 

at first, I kind of like can't get through what is she wanted to tell about. but then , I get the point. she talks about all the ibadah that we can do when we at here (hostel) while at home, we kind of will busy with many other things. in here, we can fully focus on ibadah that we want to do, we can recite Quran four or five pages a day and while at home, we kind of barely do that, don't we ? as for me, yes, I do agree with what she said. because my focus can lost when I'm at home. like obviously I got things to do. being at home and hostel is totally different la. like, being at hostel, you just need to think only about yourself, but when you at home, you need to think about the whole family . (that is what I do) 

of course, everything that we do, that we likes, there will be the thing that we don't really like. normal la, when we buy something nice, it comes with package which is the bad side of it will come too. so, what we have to do is, try to accept it. the goods and the bad one. 

we are happy to be at home, iftar with family, spending all the time with IbuAyah, the rest, friends and all. can go to bazaar anytime that you want. even everyday. can just ride the bike without thinking about the sewa. of else. of course la, we currently at a place where we belong, and we kind of can do anything that we wanted to do. and it surely buy more time that we used to do compare at hostel. so, what I want to try this time, is time management. I want to manage my time at home nicely so then I can archive my mission for this ramadan kareem . and yes, we all can do this, and try not used ''being busy at home'' as the reasons why we can't have a time with Allah like what we used to do at hostel, hard, but it is not impossible. try, and try hard. we can do this. everyone can do this. pisyoo .

that is the first thing that I want to say. 

the second one is, the past few years, I barely can recite al-mulk fluently. like, it is not kind of surah that I everyday recite. like, I am not that istiqomah recite al-mulk back few years. I do know that al-mulk do have lots of benefits if we recites it everytime we want to sleep. at least read after solat isyak. so, back few years, usually, after solat isyak, they will form halaqah ( a circle) to recites al-mulk all together and yes, for the first time, seeing all those people recites al-mulk like they already memorize that surah really makes me shame with myself. realizing that me, reading so so slow compare to other, I decided to read as slow as I can because I can't keep up my pace with them all. and from that moment, I say to myself, I want to read al-mulk everyday so then, I can read fluently as they are. 

so, for a few days after that, I stop going to surau, and keep on solat at my room. after that, I read al-mulk with my own pace and slowly getting better in my reading. and the rest is history. 

and that thing happens again. but this time, it is not me. it is one of my friends. we happens to read al-mulk, and I realize that she was a bit slow on reading al-mulk and the others seem had a fast pace then her. so, I decided to lower my pace and be as same pace with her. I thought the others will do what I did ,  like slowing their pace to be as same as the one, but, they continued their reading like nothing happens. Yes, I know and I understand that maybe they do had things to do after that, so that was why they did what they did. and yes, many people used to said this to me, 

'' do you think that other people would have the same thought as you? "

this question always beat me when I'm trying to questioned why they did that, they did this. and yes, people won't have the same mind set, did they ?

so, I just let them finished their reading and starts to focus on the one that had been left behind. honestly, I really do understand how it feels when other is reading faster than you, and you have to straggle to keep the same pace with them and at the end, they left you behind and no one waits for you.  I really do understand that. 

the point is, try to be the one who can encourage others instead of being someone who wanted to show who is the best. I did try my hard to be with others, to feel like I do belong here, and I still feel like their pace is too much far than I expected . so yes, I still on trying and not giving up. (yet) . I just hope that no one would feel like what I used to felt before. 

and for those who struggle, you are not alone. :)

and for those who judge by saying that we only be around ours, it is actually you who did not get out from your comfort zone and try to be with us. you are the one who don't put any effort to be around and yet you are stating that people just being with their kinds. don't do that. try , and try harder. 

even if people don't see your straggle, Allah sees. and He knows. 

x,

fi