today

bismillah. 

for today, I do learn the very importance thing that I tend to forget.

as you guys probably know, I am kind of facing something, I do tell Allah, I prayed, I asked and I plead to Him. I also tell Ibu Ayah about my situation because I thought, they the only one who I can put my highest trust than other. I asked Ibu to pray for me, to make things ease for me, to face all of this, to make me strong facing all of this.

and alhamdulilah, I got the good news.
alhamdulilalh ala kulli hal. for Allah already give the way out.
alhamdulilah.

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the thing that I wanted to share is, at the moment when I pray, I forget something that totally importance. when my faith currently like going little, I thought Allah did't answer yet my answer, or maybe, all that happens are because of my past sin. and I am so so sad because I thought that there won't be way out.

and I feel ashamed. of myself. why ?

because the moment I thought that Allah won't help me just because of my past sin, Allah already give His way for me. honestly, I feel so so much embarrassed to Allah. and I mentally cried.

how can I forget that He near. Indeed , I near. Fa inni qarib. I known that, but still I forget about that.
how can Allah did't hear what I prayed, asked. He even near me. He even knows what in my heart is.
oh Allah, how can I do this to You. forgive me Allah.

//
and for today reflection of myself, I should fix myself better.
may I have the calmness when facing the problem again.
yes, I should really fix myself.

/
my heart need to be where it belong to.
and I need Ibu Ayah, I need my home.

I am sorry.