what 21 years old teach me .

Bismillah 

___

trust me, adulting is super sucks.
growing up is not a very good thing. but hye, that's life, rite ?

and to make it more unique, there's test that He already plans for us, for be better of course.

**
day by day, I learn that I should stop talk too much and try to listen more.
because that's must be a reason why Allah gives us one mouth and two pair of ears.
meaning , He wants us to listen more and talk less.

and I thought that this is one of the reasons why I choose to speak less.

and beside, I'm hurts actually.
by people around. I don't know that if this is just my feeling or it is actually real thing.
people around me always shut me down. they always asked me to shut up and it is totally tiring me.
whenever I want to give an opinion, they shut me. they said I used a harsh word and it is not a good things. I know, I can't really used any of good words and people always misunderstood what I said. I already got that a lot. and honestly, I'm getting tired to explain that to people over and over again.

this is way I love being around my bawang angguns. like they never judge me or asked me to shut up or whatever. they listen to every single thing that I say.

but somehow, being silence also not that bad. when you usually silence, speak nothing, you will eventually will get used to it. so, it is actually okay to stay silence. it is actually more easy.

like AidaAzlin said in her LoveLetter , that equation 1+1=5 part. it makes me smile. like, how on earth that 1+1 can be 5 when it actually 2. but yea, it is more easy for you to nod your head to proof them right because you know that , there's no point for us to keep on argue with people like them. it is only waste of time.

arguing on something that at the end I know that I will eventually lose even if I win. I can't hurt people like how they did to me. because at last, it is me who feel guilty on what had happen. and it is actually better for me to take everything and put it in my arms rather than throwing it back to them.

and in Aida's ig tv, she said about 'choose your battle wisely' . she said about something that we need to organize about things that #perlu and those that #takperlu. it quite true when she said that. Aida also said about the MYOB or mind your own business. shortly it is actually how we should know what the thing that necessary and what is not.

and for me, turns 21 this year, I guess, I really should know how to manage that part. on which part that should be in my attention and what is not. and I guess, being so called concern enough about people who should not be in my bucket, I should stop that kind of thing. like I said, I had enough.

**
this year, I can say that it is a rollercoaster year for me. I faced the moment when I want to give up really bad. and I almost did that. and trust me, I feels so numb when I did that. Im done hit until the end of the sea and I feel soo exhausted. it was so breathless and I did cried.

many things happen, and yet many things too that I learned. alhamdulilah.
no matter how bad it was, at the end, it will bring goodness to me . alhamdulilah.

so many ups and downs and yet I still alive until today. 

**

I thank Allah for not allowed me to give up whenever I felt like I want to.
Having my parents, siblings and people who care around me is such a big help. really.
even if they feels like I am helping them, it is actually them who save me from drowning deeper. alhamdulilah for the helps and all.

last but not least,
happy birthday dearself. 
you really did well.
thank you for survive this year, and yes, I love me.
thank you for being strong enough to face all of this.
alhamdulilah.
thank you dearself.


by that, adios. *hands up.