living in hostel is my 'first' turning point.
Bismillah
In the name of Allah, the most Gracious and the most Merciful,
it is about how we look at something. rather we want to take advantage about it, or we just let it slip from our hand. we choose because, Allah will never change the fate of that person if they don't had any guts to change it themselves. so yea, like Aida Azlin's said in her Tuesdayloveletter, it's NOW or NEVER.
if I said about hostel, most of my surrounding will say that, staying in hostel is sucks. like living in the prison, had their table that we need to follow. have rules and the list getting longer and longer. the very first of me staying at the hostel when I was form 2, which fourteen year's old. wow, rn I'm already twenty one this year. how time really flies . so, back to the story, my life back then is totally different from what I am today. and yea, kinda proud of myself for being able to stand still and keeps moving from the past. alhamdulillah ala kulli hal, for everything that Allah had plan for me, alhamdulillah.
I wonder, if I don't take that step to staying in hostel, will I become my now me ? or I would be another different person ? I don't know. and yes, I really am thankful that Allah is the one who plan for me. and yes, it is the most beautiful plan ever.
**
as always, I am reckless in everything that relate with feelings. like what Ibu said to me, "Angah ni buat asrama ts tu macam asrama ayah dia pulak. Ingat yayasan ayahanda ke ?" and what I did was, I took the hostel form and fill it. only when the form need the parents permission, by that I show to Ibu and Ayah and asked for their permission. and Ibu Ayah were like, "oh kakak nak duduk asrama." and they signed it. just because they know how serious I am on what I want and they just want to fulfill what I want. and I just figured out how stoned head I am. (-,-)
the solely reasons on why I do what I did was, I ran away from someone. I ran from the reality, the responsibility (which I took without any other asked for) and I need some space to sort out all the things in my mind. I just don't know because I out of source to refer. I am a elder sister in family and a sister of four adiks. so yeah, I can't asked others anymore about what that stuck in my mind.
from that reasons, I find something else. wallahi, what Allah already plan for me, was the most sweetest ever. and I thank Allah for that. alhamdulilah. for turning me into another me. it actually makes me realise that I got a lotss of other things to think about rather than what I was facing. on how I work my relationship with my friends, teacher, seniors, and the most important, with my family.
staying in hostel for almost 2 years really do helps me to knows myself, (even until right now I am still searching for myself) but at least 10 percent still do help a lot. the struggle on understanding selves is actually harder than understanding others. even you live in your own body, but still you need to understand your mind and heart.
from hostel I learn on how we actually need to respect other first if we want to be respect, on how to arrange our time perfectly, to build time table for my time, how we connect ourselves with others and the most important is, I realise about something that I actually learn and know. that is the moment when I learn that, know and understand is totally different things. even if you know, but you don't actually act. why, because you just know, but never understand on what it really are.
I learned in subject Pendidikan Islam form 2, that the aurah for a women muslim, is the whole body is aurah and need to cover all parts of the body except the face and wrist. I repeat, the whole parts except the face and the wrist. so, one day, I saw one of my senior wear socks when she entered DM (eating hall) and by that time I was confused. why on earth she wear that socks in the DM. and I was so so dumb until ustaz repeat again about the aurah part. and I was like, ya Allah, how can I can't think about that. and that was the time I realise that, know and understand is totally a different things. and the rest is history.
the point is, when I decided to stay in hostel, I never thought that I will learn something from that. but actually, it really does. I do learn , more and more things there. and maybe I kind of someone who like to observed people and yes, I guess I learn a lot by people around. alhamdulilah. for Allah opened my heart to see the truth even it actually in front of my nose.
***
so yeah, it was my very first turning point for me to know and learn Islam more. I used to take Islam for granted just because I am already a muslim and I think that I don't need to do anything else. but actually, I am the one who need to learn and learn more about my religion so then I will see everything clearly. and right now, I'm not saying that I already good now, I still and will always learning about Islam, about being better day by day. and my goal is internal happiness. to find my happiness in heart and mind, and also for hereafter . InshaAllah. amin.
**
as always, I am reckless in everything that relate with feelings. like what Ibu said to me, "Angah ni buat asrama ts tu macam asrama ayah dia pulak. Ingat yayasan ayahanda ke ?" and what I did was, I took the hostel form and fill it. only when the form need the parents permission, by that I show to Ibu and Ayah and asked for their permission. and Ibu Ayah were like, "oh kakak nak duduk asrama." and they signed it. just because they know how serious I am on what I want and they just want to fulfill what I want. and I just figured out how stoned head I am. (-,-)
the solely reasons on why I do what I did was, I ran away from someone. I ran from the reality, the responsibility (which I took without any other asked for) and I need some space to sort out all the things in my mind. I just don't know because I out of source to refer. I am a elder sister in family and a sister of four adiks. so yeah, I can't asked others anymore about what that stuck in my mind.
from that reasons, I find something else. wallahi, what Allah already plan for me, was the most sweetest ever. and I thank Allah for that. alhamdulilah. for turning me into another me. it actually makes me realise that I got a lotss of other things to think about rather than what I was facing. on how I work my relationship with my friends, teacher, seniors, and the most important, with my family.
staying in hostel for almost 2 years really do helps me to knows myself, (even until right now I am still searching for myself) but at least 10 percent still do help a lot. the struggle on understanding selves is actually harder than understanding others. even you live in your own body, but still you need to understand your mind and heart.
from hostel I learn on how we actually need to respect other first if we want to be respect, on how to arrange our time perfectly, to build time table for my time, how we connect ourselves with others and the most important is, I realise about something that I actually learn and know. that is the moment when I learn that, know and understand is totally different things. even if you know, but you don't actually act. why, because you just know, but never understand on what it really are.
I learned in subject Pendidikan Islam form 2, that the aurah for a women muslim, is the whole body is aurah and need to cover all parts of the body except the face and wrist. I repeat, the whole parts except the face and the wrist. so, one day, I saw one of my senior wear socks when she entered DM (eating hall) and by that time I was confused. why on earth she wear that socks in the DM. and I was so so dumb until ustaz repeat again about the aurah part. and I was like, ya Allah, how can I can't think about that. and that was the time I realise that, know and understand is totally a different things. and the rest is history.
the point is, when I decided to stay in hostel, I never thought that I will learn something from that. but actually, it really does. I do learn , more and more things there. and maybe I kind of someone who like to observed people and yes, I guess I learn a lot by people around. alhamdulilah. for Allah opened my heart to see the truth even it actually in front of my nose.
***
so yeah, it was my very first turning point for me to know and learn Islam more. I used to take Islam for granted just because I am already a muslim and I think that I don't need to do anything else. but actually, I am the one who need to learn and learn more about my religion so then I will see everything clearly. and right now, I'm not saying that I already good now, I still and will always learning about Islam, about being better day by day. and my goal is internal happiness. to find my happiness in heart and mind, and also for hereafter . InshaAllah. amin.
Comments
Post a Comment