day -1

Dear Allah,

this uneasy feeling is something that I hate. how can I said it out loud when I actually can't ?
I tried hard even harder just to let my feeling aside and let my mind to take controls of it. I did my best right ?

somebody please tell me that I did great, that I did my best,?
I often to tell others that they did great, yet I also hope that they will said that back to me.

oh Allah, again, I did wrong. I put hope in people instead of You. I should lend to You. You know what in my heart. I did my best rite? indeed, You know me.

currently I miss Ibu and Ayah much. so much until I too afraid to lose them. I even dream about them. I called them but I just can't say it out a loud.
I want to cry, but I can't. why Allah ?

did I put hope too much this time? did I wronged You and this is a punishment from You to me?
I guess, currently I am being test. and I know that You won't burden us without our will. just I want to pray that , please guide me, to pass this test. lend me Your strength so that I will do my best to pass this through.

this time, only this time, hold me.